In the world today,people have consistently created defective dating mindsets and they think its' perfectly the norm...




They feel that love and sex are interlinked and interchangable...
They feel that in order to show to each other that they are "serious" about one another and "deepen" their relationship,they need to deepen the physical actions and "get to know one another deeper with intimacy"...
Now,that's a classic example of BULLSHIT...




Now enlighten me...
How in the heck can you know your mate better by humping and making each other scream/moan?!
Some form of language that can deepen your relationship and makes your relationship lasts?
And you innocently gave in because you think just by giving "all of me",your mate will stay by you and he will say "oh baby,i will be here for you forever?
And the typical "you love me you will do it" crap?
Oh come on,screw these...





Laugh about it but let me tell you there are people reading these and say "hell yeah!I thought or even did all those before." and there are some who will say "This is so true,it happened to me before.Gosh~"





At times,its' so hard to remain level headed when the emotions and "love" come surging in.
We promised never to give in to temptations,but when we "fall in love",all these promises seems to vanish,we simply falter to the "power of love" and give in due to the pressure from your mate(whom love you soo~ much or at least that what he claimed) and let him take control and what the next thing that hit you?
There goes your purity,like DUH and carry on living your life with more regrets as if the vast amount of regrets you already have is not enough...





A conversation i had with liyana;

Conversation started with rattles of blahblah...
Then...

Kai: That right,people nowadays are viewing love and sex as interchangable...

Liyana: Ya...guys think about sex all the time...

Kai:Ya,they always put sex as the priority of a relationship...

Liyana:That's so true...it makes me so scared to be in a relationship...

Rattles on...

ENDED.





You see the point?
We people can be so level headed when we are single,and feel so disgusted that guys can be so selfish and think about sex all the time,but most times when love come knocking,we will lose our senses and say "oh gosh,i cannot control it,this is love and i just want to show him i love him..."




We can't control love?
Think about it...
I personally disagree with it though.
But,okay even IF we really cannot "control love" as so claimed,we can always alter and control the way we EXPRESS our love...




To have these claims like "if you love me you do it" and "to show and progress in our relationship,we need to deepen our physical intimacy", its plain ABSURD...





Now,after reading till here,
Some readers will go like these...
"Why kai~?"
"Isn't how love supposed to be?"
"Letting my mate touch me all over and hump me,this shows my love,deepen the relationship and make him fall more in fall with me more wad..."


Okay see,that's what love novels and movies did to your brain...
"Go with your heart,not your brain" crap...




You seriously think he will love you more after you gave "it" to him??
Like cereally???

Let me give you a punchline...

"What for buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?"


Simply put,why would he stick with you if he can satisfy his needs without commiting to you dumbdumb??







People nowadays have subconsiously let intimacy and passionate lust take the driver's seat, put commitment in the back seat and let momentary needs and lust drive and direct their relationships and more crtically their lives...





Love is not measured by how far your physical relationship with your mate is...
Love is not about getting,but giving...
It is to lay down our desires and do what's in his or her best interests.
To care for him or her even when there's nothing in it for us...
True love looks beyond personal desires and the gratification of the moment...


THIS is love...




Intimacy should be the reward of commitment,not the priority but reward...
True love is expressed in self control and patience...
It's more than the superfical embraces and kisses...





Get it?
Close your eyes and reflect a little...
And ask yourself if you need to reevaluate your current relationship and mindset...






Till then...
Now shoo~













Hey gal, this is a little gift for you...



Just when i thought i handling everything quite well,someone have to remind me tml's is some date...




And as though its not bad enough,during break today my dear fren, Ash had to have such a conversation with me while we having breakfast...





Ash:Hey btw the post about you kissing dating goodbye is really meaningful sehz...


Me:Hahah,thanks ay...


Ash:But really sehz,your previous posts really emo mans~



Me:*stares*...That's what i told you...emotional hangover...







Thanks ay bro thanks for "reminding" me abt my previous posts.




Emotional hangover?Its just a better word for self pity that's all...




And THAT really triggered my emo shits just when i THOUGHT i was getting on pretty well...


And of all days, you guys chose 14 of nov which happens to be the eve of some siginificant date.
I so~ needed that.
Thanks...



What's with the emo-ness you guys might ask,so let me give you guys and my dear fren Ash some ideas why i wrote those posts...







As i wrote earlier in my earlier post and more of it in future posts to come,that love is based faithfulness and commitment and that true love don't just waver just when the romance feeling fade,it will be based on deeper siginificant rather than just the physical attraction that drawn the two mates together...As when lips met it does not mean that hearts are joined.







So let me start with it,



After being a dazz of flirts and loads of relationships that are not matched with committment,i am determined not to make the same mistakes and have a relationship that defines true love.



So,there i were with this gal that i thought i would have a perfect relationship with,she is sweet,well liked and best of all,she seems to be the one i want to spend my mornings knowing that i have yet another day to prove my love to her and cherish her presence,i was determined to show her what love really is...







Months past,the oupouring of emotions got deeper,gave out all of me unconditonally.
We had our great moments and snap!



She decided to move on and "live life like it's meant to be"



Let me give a example so you guys will know why i emphasized so much on commitment,







Imagine my mate and i went for a cliff hike,and just when i halfway downcliff and with her clinging on my rope she shouted "i don't want to be tied down by it anymore and loosen herself from the rope and walk off.Obviously she don't want to be commited to this anymore, AND SO wad happen to me?







Obviously,i would fall to the ground due to gravity, break my bones, my skull and whatever you think is brittle. BUT in this instance,i broke my heart and alone in wilderness,clinging to a broken heart and with no one willing nor understand listening to my sorrow, since fellas down there are all "bears' and "beasts" whom are too pre occupied with hunting down female counterparts to "have some fun"(referring to friends who made me wonder why we were friends in the first place.)



Hence,all i can do is fall into the pit of self pity and pour out my emotions to myself...



And whenever i try to climb my way back up,there will be people to remind me of all of these shits and make me fall back into the emo pit!







Maybe had i watched more attentively to the Man Vs Wild shows and learn to climb the cliffs i wouldnt be the pathetic arse i am now...Oh well...







Now, you guys get the gist of it?And why commitment is vital?
I believe people who played the dating game as though they are recreational activities before would agree with me...
Its sorrow followed with regrets.
Hence,



Stay firm with the commitment made and may true joy flows...

Back in class...

So instead of getting myself into the pits of self pity(which i promised myself NOT to get into again),i used the energy trying to help my classmate Don to make sure his relationship with his gf is right...




And this is how it goes...









While doing ppt,





Me:Hey Don,how's you and ur gf coming along?


Don:uh...not bad...


Me:Not bad?good or bad?Are you serious about her?Are you matching intimacy with committment?


Don:*Stunned by my words*... Ay fuck off kai! Don preach to me...




Kai:haha busted Don. No no really, its impt that you know what is it to be in a right relationship without celebrating with the culture of self centredness and immorality.
Only this will provide you and her with the perfect relationship so you wont live with regrets next time...


Don: ..hahah..Seriously kai,don preach to me about this la! I dunno abt all these...

Ended, lesson resumed...







So much so for being kind trying to guide him along...



Thanks ay Don...







See,this is classic example of the mindset that people have today on relationship,



Why must commitment be the the objective for a relationship?



Why cant we just go out have "have some fun"?



The answer that you give is very vital in whether you falter in your relationship or find true joy which a relationship is supposed to be all about...







Instead of being selfless, it is selfish...

Instead of giving, it is taking...

Instead of being patient, it is impatient...

Instead of looking out for the ongoing good of the other person, its focused on the needs of the moment...







And this basically summed up what recreational dating that our society condones is all about...







Give it a little thought and reflect on your life...
Is that what you really yearn after for?


Now, shoo~












And btw Ash, you always say that you cant see her face clearly,



So being the ever nice guy that i am,
let me give you a better glimpse...









So,this is how she will look like if she were to appear in southpark. =)
Have a clearer pic Ash? haha


Till then.



"I wish for you to remember that i have always love you to crumbs"

This is one sentence that i will never be sick to read again and again that is saved in my cellphone and input into my heart...
It's something that means the world to me...
A sentence that makes me feel i had fulfilled my purpose of making her happy,blissed and loved and cherish the fact that i had once such moment before...

Things change,globe spins and time ticks,
Having gone through much,
Relationships is no more just a game for teenagers whom are in need for some short term passionate lust or just out there to have some fun or to satisfy the needs for your own and due to the sake of your own selfishness...

Intimacy should always come hand in hand with commitment...
Guys should guard the gals of thier purity and not cause them to jump into doing things that they will regret in time to come...

Gals should always guard their own purity and not let momentary passions and needs ruin the purity of yours and always guard against guys who are out there to have some short term relationships due to lust or physical gains...


Love and passionate lust are two DIFFERENT things that we must take note of...
Are we being with someone because we are sure that something will come out of it or its it just "for fun" or it is just passionate lust luring?


I felt i had fulfilled my purpose of what i set out doing,protecting the interests of the gal i loved and had called mine and guard her purity and make it a point that i am there for her coz its love and the i want to make her the happiest and see her great smile that i never fail to yearn for more and not passionate lust or merely physical gains...

I had made it a point to match intimacy with commitment that i had gave wholeheartedly...
Broke ups matched with regrets is something that i felt and don't want to feel again...

On hindsight having said that i felt i fufilled the role of a boyfriend,i felt could had practised more self control and guard firmer against temptations and the fact that at times letting myself fall into the pits of temptation and let my focus waver...

But i had always make it a point to correct that and show her that love is more than just physical embraces but with the way that i had showed my love with the unconditioning of giving that i poured out to her with all of me...

But things changed,no longer should she be called mine and i have to alter the expression of affection that i have for her,all these should be sealed in the heart for now and i wish her all the best and hopefully the guy that comes next will give her what i cannot give and give more and better than i can...

And ultimately protecting the gal's purity which is so precious and one can only have once in a lifetime and give her the love that is not mixed/confused with passionate lust or use her for physical gains or selfish thoughts...


As for a gal that is so close to my heart,nothing matters more than seeing her happy and living a life of purity and not a highway to self destruction and disregarding her own purity that she would regret in due time...
For now, i will pray for her and hopefully the path that she choose to take is a path of purity and happiness...

And till i can open my heart again and love again with true love, match intimacy with commitment and love her and stand guard her purity and love her with all my heart fervently and unconditionally,
I will kiss dating goodbye...

"For true love isnt just expressed in passionately whispered words or intimate kiss or an embrace; before two people are married, love is expressed in self control, patience and even words left unsaid."

I cant agree more with the sentence...

Goodbye...
Tuturu...



Words of hers...


"I loved you truckloads,when you are my bf.


Even now dat you're no longer mine,


The feeling doesnt just fade fade away.


My heart still holds you inside.


G'night."





Words of hers now,


"Promises are meant to be broken anyway..."


"Tt's all last time please..."





Promises...


"I do wish that there would be a day where we could spend quality time wit each other and just


enjoy each other's company w'o any disruptions.At times,ido feel that life's so cruel w'o u beside me,to assure me of everything...it proves to me how deep is our love.And i wish for you to remb that i have always love to to crumbs."





Now;


"weren't free lah why anything the matter"


"been busy yo"


"...can't we just skip the promise..."


"tt's before i widen my circle of frens..."





Love that burns like fire...not.





Reminsce of the past,i could hardly relate to you now of then...
Could hardly grasp of our love language that we once had.


"you'll always be myBerry & 'honey


i'm so glad there's you.'





No matter how things will vary with time i heard?





I hate to know the more we contact now,the lesser i know about you...


I hate it to see the treatment you dishing out to me;


Moment like you running down from the house to say "i am sorry darling" is liken seeing a meteor flying pass our clear blue skies...





I am really burnt out seeing our conversations all turned sour,


I give up i aint want see another conversation full of hatred and anger,


I once said,at the end of the day,


"Baby,i just wanna you to remember all the happy memories that we have"


And tt's how it's gonna be...











Tribute to the love shared,
And the tears shed.
Have always love you to crumbs.
Chapters can be closed and ended.
But,my love still have no ending,
It did not and will never sway nor falter...
I love you,babylove.
Tuturu~


Sunsets i had watched alone...







Landon: Are you scared?

Jamie: To die?

Landon: It's not funny-

Jamie: ...I'm scared of not being with you...

Landon: Oh baby,it will never happen okay...


Memories flows back...
I want to assure you this way everytime gal...

Kai
Different seasons in our life,
Endless facets of life that i had learnt to appreciate.

Valerie
Ikhlas
Wuen Yin
Shameer
Fir
Karenn
Nurul
Don
Lee



September 2007
October 2007
November 2007

layout: +
fonts: +
brushes: + +
image: +